Kroze's Crowdsourced Youmacon Bio:
You know, everyone always asks “Who is Kroze?” but no one ever cares to ask “WHY is Kroze?”. Well today dear reader we will explain to you exactly “Why?”.
Back in the early days of the primordial interwebs, there an idea that which a being who was raised by the memes and masses would inherit all of the culture, knowledge and power to use in ways that would help benefit mankind and lead us all into a new age of enlightenment and prosperity! Unfortunately instead of properly enacting this totally well thought out plan, the great minds behind it decided to start playing a game of Civilization and thus forgot all about their little experiment by turn 3.
Once the project was left to fend for it’s own existence, things quickly went downhill from there. From Pogs to Power Rangers to Animorphs to Ska music, the being was quickly corrupted much in the same way an honest and respectable run of Pokemon Blue (best version) can be quickly ruined by letting Twitch control every aspect of it. The being started getting IDEAS… ideas involving writing songs about the Zelda timeline, silly skits about Mega Man X, and why hasn’t anyone ever made a heist film about a theme park yet?
Radical thoughts about how Light Yagami would have easily been caught by Shawn and Gus from Psych if they were on the case, that maybe Kari really should have ended up with Davis in Digimon Adventure 02, that Squall is dead for everything after Disc 1 of Final Fantasy VIII and the rest of the game is just a death dream (Dot Dot Dot Whatever), how Knuckles Chaotix is secretly the greatest Sonic game, about how Kiznaiver is actually the best Studio Trigger show hands down, and that Rule of Rose isn't creepy at all with it's subject matter (and you can't prove me wrong, you didn't play it)!
Let’s not even mention the Zootopia/Elemental slash fic concept involving Jason Bateman and Ember merging to become a sexy androgynous firefox with one too many tabs open…
The masses were horrified, disgusted and partly aroused by these concepts and soon turned against this degenerate for introducing such absurdity into this world, even tho it was the masses who instilled such dreams into them. Madness begets madness after all… aren’t we all just byproducts of a world in which people actually thought we could somehow actually make money off of Gamestop going “to the moon” instead of coming away with less than we put in despite years and YEARS of being screwed over on trade in values and should have learned better!!
And thus this lone being was forced to find a place where they could exist and share these ideas…
Which he did! No other place than a convention in Michigan!
So about that Zootopia/Elemental slash fic…
(Disclaimer: This bio has been 96% crowdsourced. Even though it seems like it was written by ChatGPT, the content contained within has been ethically stolen from individuals online forced into it instead! :D)
[5:00 PM]Kroze: Presenting the various hot takes which sadly did not make it in to the bio:
Force Commander is the best Star Wars game
Princess Maker 3 is better than Princess Maker 2
Tom Nook is a legitimate businessman and community leader
The Epic Games Store is superior to Steam in every way
Other M best Metroid BECAUSE of the abuse Adam levies on Samus and post-traumatic stress
Sonic would have been better as a human than a hedgehog
SSX original is better than Tricky
Michael Bay > JJ Abrams
3 > New Vegas
4 > 3
Skyrim > Morrowind
No Man's Sky was perfect at launch and the patches kind of ruined it, honestly